


Jerry Gergich: Ghost Hunter

by blithers



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghost Hunters, Competency, Gen, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blithers/pseuds/blithers
Summary: “Don’t get possessed, Jerry,” April said, but really intensely, like she secretly hoped that’s what would actually happen, bless her heart.  What a funny kid.“Jerry will not get possessed by aghost,” Ron said, a bit louder than he needed to, “because ghostsdo not exist.”
Relationships: Jerry Gergich/Gayle Gergich
Comments: 27
Kudos: 28
Collections: Trick or Treat Exchange 2020





	Jerry Gergich: Ghost Hunter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Othalla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Othalla/gifts).



> Happy Halloween, Othalla! I hope you enjoy this extra treat.
> 
> All my thanks to htbthomas for early help with brainstorming this story, and to stars_inthe_sky for beta reading.

**That Time It Was Raccoons And Definitely Not A Ghost**

“She says the house is haunted,” Leslie said, hanging up the phone. Garry perked up at the word _ghost_ and rotated his office chair around to listen. “You know, that falling down, abandoned house by the old Sweetums factory? Apparently there’s a ghost.”

Tom shivered. “Brrr. I just got Tommy chills.”

Leslie rolled her eyes. “It’s probably a raccoon infestation. You know how the raccoons gang up when the weather starts getting colder.”

“Or the house _is_ haunted,” April said darkly, “in which case I love it with the fire of a thousand ghostly suns.”

Andy high-fived her. “Spooky, babe.”

“I’ll check it out,” Garry said. “It’s on my way home.” It wasn’t, but he could ask Gayle to hold dinner with the girls for an hour or so tonight to fit it in. Tonight was meatloaf night, and Gayle always made the garlic mashed potatoes on the side that he loved, and Millicent was bringing over her famous caramel apple pie for dessert—but good things could wait.

“Don’t get possessed, Jerry,” April said, but really intensely, like she secretly hoped that’s what would actually happen, bless her heart. What a funny kid.

“Jerry will not get possessed by a _ghost_ ,” Ron said, a bit louder than he needed to, “because ghosts _do not exist_.”

April narrowed her eyes. “Those sound like the last words of a man about to die by ghost.”

“Many terrifying things exist in this world—socialism, soy burgers, mass-produced wooden rocking chairs—but ghosts are not one of them.”

Garry wisely held his tongue.

“Raccoons,” Leslie repeated firmly. “Mark my word.”

The ghost turned out to be a mild nuisance at most: young, prone to tantrums, rattling the windows, slamming doors—the sort of annoyance haunting that was a dime a dozen around Pawnee. “Hey, now,” Garry said, patting the door frame in what he hoped was a soothing way, “Hey, buddy. I’m here to help you out.” One dusty trip down to the basement and a quick by-the-books ritual later, and he was on his way home, happily daydreaming about the delicious dinner waiting for him and the time he’d spend with his lovely, amazing family.

“Any trouble?” Gayle asked when he got home, a silver cross gleaming at her neck.

“No ma’am,” he said happily, and tucked into his meatloaf. He just loved a job well done.

**That Time It was Orin Being Creepy And Still Definitely Not a Ghost**

“What’s up with all the ghost stuff lately, anyway? Maybe it’s raccoons again. It was raccoons last time, right, Jerry?”

“Oh,” Garry said, and fumbled the paperwork he was holding, dropped it on the floor and had to spend a while picking it up, then cleared his throat a couple times. “Right, yeah. Raccoons, a whole mess of them, just like you guessed.”

Leslie tapped her chin. “It could be Orin, I guess. April, do you know if Orin lurks around in abandoned buildings sometimes?”

“I mean, why wouldn’t he? He’s amazing.”

“There you go,” Leslie said. “Orin being creepy. Or possibly still raccoons. Again.”

“I’ll take a look on my way home, boss,” Garry said cheerfully.

After clocking out, Garry drove out to the abandoned warehouse and laid down a circle of salt—he’d have to remind Gayle to pick up more salt from Costco the next time she went; they bought the stuff by the ten-pound sack and it still wasn’t enough!—and patted his pockets for a lighter or some matches. Darn. Why did nothing stay where he left it? He’d swear there were ghosts haunting his pockets, with the way things always went missing.

He went back out to his car, found a lighter, grabbed a little packet of emergency rock salt in the pouch that Gayle had sewn for him, and headed back inside to see what he could help with. He couldn’t find a body but still managed to exorcise the spirit even without its physical form—a neat bit of work, if he said so himself.

He hummed old songs as he drove home.

**That Time It Was Something Weird Happening In Stupid Eagleton So Nobody Cared**

“So, what, is this fancy-pantsy Eagleton ghost too good for us poor old Pawnee folks?” Leslie rolled her eyes. “Give me a break.”

Garry just kept on folding, because these fliers weren’t going to fold and mail themselves.

**That Time It Was Just The Wind, Really, Just The Wind**

“Stop,” Leslie said in the darkness, holding out an arm, and the whole crew behind her froze. “Did anybody else hear that?”

“Werewolves,” Tom whispered.

“Awwooohhooo,” April howled, in a flat sort of monotone, and Andy snickered next to her.

Garry put a hand on the cross in his pants pocket, looking around. There weren’t any structures he could actually see, just the dim flicker of their campfire from the All-Night Summer Plan-a-thon S’Mores-a-thon Paperwork-a-thon Extravaganza (“It’s going to be amazing!” Leslie had chirped excitedly, handing out the t-shirts she had made). The woods were creepy, the branches of trees reaching toward them like bony hands and fingers in the wind, but nothing he could see indicated immediate, actual danger.

Ron shifted his grip on his axe and glared manfully into the darkness. Garry tensed, and wished he had more salt on him. Never enough salt when he needed it, story of his life.

“Uh, Leslie?” Ben asked, in his really calm voice he only used when he was actually nervous. “Maybe we should head back to our fire.”

“Uh, what is _that_?” Andy asked, pointing at a shadow that, as far as Garry could tell, was exactly the same as all the other shadows around them.

“I agree that retreat is our wisest option,” Ron said.

“I’ll take a look,” said Garry, stepping away from the group, losing himself in the woods around them as everybody freaking out faded into the distance, shouting his name.

Ghosts tended to be bound to the building or home where they’d lived, so it was unusual to find a free-roaming spirit, but this one turned out to be a child, mischievous and lost. “You poor little thing,” Garry murmured, pulling out the tools of his trade and getting right to work fixing the situation up.

He made his way back to the cheerful campfire with the rest of the crew when he was done, drawn back to the loud chatter and bright light, stumbling a bit over some of the downed branches in the darkness.

“Jerry!” Tom said as he re-emerged from the woods, brushing off the back of his pants, because he’d fallen back on his butt the last time he’d tripped. “You’re alive!”

“Of course I am,” Garry said, brushing a few twigs off his handknit sweater.

“Good man,” Ron murmured.

“You’re just in time to take the notes, Jerry,” Leslie said. “And good job not dying by werewolf.”

“I do my best,” Garry said, and sat down on a wooden stump, pulling a pencil out from behind his ear.

**That Time It Was Because Everybody Knows The Meagle Family Haunts Places Over Petty Grudges**

“So you’re hearing noises up in the attic?”

“Meagles don’t let feuds go,” Donna said. “We take that shit to the _grave_. It’s not surprising, really.”

“A ghost?” Chris asked brightly, popping up from nowhere. “Sounds spooky. And fun!”

“I could take a look for you,” Garry offered. “I have to pick the girls up from the airport this afternoon since we’re having a family reunion this weekend, but I could swing by after that.”

“The Great Gergich Gathering is this weekend?” Chris asked, a bit wistfully. It wasn’t like Garry could exactly _forget_ that Chris and Millicent had dated, but sometimes he wished he could.

Donna pointed at Chris. “Down, boy. And sure, Jerry, if you wanted to take a look at the attic of the Meagle family cabin, I’m not going to stop you. But Ginuwine is up on the rotation this weekend, so it’d have to be tonight.”

“I’ll be in and out in a jiffy,” Garry assured her.

He dropped the girls off at the house and Gayle joined him for backup, and when they opened up the access to the attic, the wind blew Gayle’s blonde hair back dramatically. The ghost was argumentative and highly insistent that she owned—or had previously owned, anyway—a majority share in some company that Garry had never heard of, and also very certain that a specific elder Mr. Meagle “wouldn’t get away with it”, whatever _it_ happened to be. She did not elaborate on the point.

“Oh dear,” Garry sighed, laying down salt as Gayle went to find out if the body was buried somewhere on Meagle land. After they were done, Garry left a note in the kitchen explaining they’d scared off a couple mice out from the attic.

“Thanks for dealing with that whole ghost situation, Jerry,” Donna said the next Monday.

“Oh,” Garry said, and fumbled the coffee cup he was carrying, “No ghost to be found! Just some mice up in the attic, you know.”

“Mmhmm,” Donna said, with a weirdly perceptive look right at Garry. “Right.”

Garry sat down at his desk with the lunch Gayle had made for him that morning, ready for another day of work.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this story and would like to share it, please consider reblogging [this post](https://blithers.tumblr.com/post/634262046442192896/jerry-gergich-ghost-hunter-blithers-parks-and) on tumblr!


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